No. 10: MD's newsletter
We're no saviors if we can't save our brothers
Greetings from the other side — the other side of pregnancy, that is. The part with the beautiful new baby who absorbs all your love and attention, who simultaneously thrills and terrifies you, who steals your time and your sleep and your heart. Nico is a dream come true; I’m writing this two months after he arrived a little early due to the doctors’ insistence that I be induced.
That was the start of my journey into what I will call “the radicalization of motherhood.” I’ll spare you the medical details, as I am not prepared to chronicle that. But the following events of the past two months have left me furious and perplexed at the way our systems and institutions handle the 100% natural yet increasingly unthinkable act of having a child:
Getting an accidental $4,000 bill for an out-of-network provider
Not getting test results for my son back despite the doctor’s insistence we take him in for additional blood draws following a NICU stay, and having to make a series of calls to get the NICU to get the test results to report back to me to give our pediatrician
Not being able to access the hospital billing info for my son because the hospital didn’t keep it under his name (???) but didn’t provide me with that information upon discharge
Finding out I could’ve been eligible for a free pregnancy & lactation program through my insurance six weeks after my kid was born and therefore ineligible for the benefits
Losing health insurance coverage because I’m not covered by FMLA
Getting kicked off my health insurance without notice because I didn’t get an automated email in time, and received the mail version of the notice three days after the fact, just in time for my son to have his two-month appointments and for me to have necessary follow-ups with my providers
Not being able to make my health insurance retroactive without COBRA which requires a very expensive three-month commitment.
Not being able to sign up for a marketplace plan within the 60-day post-life change event of having lost my insurance because the Covered California system was undergoing maintenance.
I am sharing all this not to complain — OK, well maybe a little — but to identify the many logistical and financial hurdles that we experience in a system where our health care is tied to our employment, where accessing health care is dependent upon insurance which is tied to corporate profits. I am privileged to be in a position where I can put a few hundred bucks on a credit card so my son can get his vaccines on time while we wait for our new coverage to kick in. But I’d be lying if I said these frustrations didn’t cast a pall over what should be a special, sacred time. Instead of simply relishing my newborn and learning how to parent him, I’ve been tied up on phone trees and re-doing our household budget.
Unfortunately, this won’t be the end of doing battle with instutions. Health care, education, financial systems — ultimately, unless you are born into a wealthy family with a cushion to provide for you, you will run into institutional roadblocks when trying to do right by your family.
On a more personal note, I thought maybe having a kid would kill my long-standing drive, that I would just want to lose myself in his sweet scent and our cozy domicile. But it's actually lit me up in a new way. I want to push boundaries and circulate strong ideas that can help working families breathe a little easier. It's not enough to make a living anymore. I want to make this world a better place for these little people who will inherit what we build, or what we ruin.