MD's Archives: Dog years

Know to find joy in the darkness is wise

For a long time, I was relegated to being a cat person. My mother’s allergies and general aversion to boisterous canines prevented my family from adopting a dog despite my general enthusiasm for all things furry and four-legged. So after years of buddying up with aloof cats (no offense Furball, but you know how you are), I was elated to welcome Penny — a fawn-colored chiweenie with a voracious appetite for snacks and cuddles — into my life.

It took about three days for us to give up on crate training and let her sleep on our bed, to give you a sense of how quickly she became our one true sidekick. So when I gave birth to my son about a year and a half later, I was apprehensive about what it would mean for Penny. Would she be jealous? Would she try to eat the baby? Would she ignore me? Lots of people — both IRL and on the Internet — warned me that having a baby demotes your pets. Even if they were once the babies you catered to and built your lives around, they simply become pets. (And for millennials, this is a big deal. To paraphrase a meme I recently saw: plants are the new pets, pets are the new kids, and kids are the new pets, you have to be crazy or rich to have one.)

I’ve also heard stories of people who had to give their pets away when their children were young because they didn’t get along, couldn’t provide quality care, or posed an allergy/safety risk. The thought alone broke my heart.

Fortunately, I was thrilled to learn that Penny not only tolerates having a baby but truly seems to love him. She spent most of my maternity leave on my lap next to her new best friend, and I truly believe he naps better when he’s being snuggled by his mom and his dog at the same time. Visitors, unfortunately, are loudly greeted by a dog who is sure everyone is going to steal her baby — but we’re working on that with place training and have been moderately successful at getting her to calm down within five to 10 minutes of a guest’s arrival.

I want to be clear that nothing in the world means more to me than my sweet, gorgeous little child — he is truly perfect and the best thing I could’ve ever imagined. My life is full of new meaning, new challenges and new adventures. But is it controversial to say that I still really, really love my dog? That I have grown to love her even more during this time?

It probably makes me sound a bit callous to say some of my happiest and most peaceful moments as a new mom are the wonderful naps I’ve gotten when it’s just me and Penny, when my boy is safe in the arms of his father. But it’s the truth. She followed me out of bed for every newborn night feed. She dutifully resumed her spot on the couch next to my desk as I transitioned back to work. And she curls up next to me when I get in bed, where she’ll stay until morning.

But like most small dogs, Penny can be an annoying handful. It is stressful to hear her whine when my hands are full with my baby. She demands affection and sometimes she interrupts his playtime to get it. One time, she ate part of our baby’s favorite pacifier, the kind with a little stuffed animal attached. I found it under the couch in my office and my heart broke a little. We bought a replacement, only to have the same thing happen within 24 hours.

But Penny does not know the difference between a dog toy and a baby toy. And in her defense, they often look the same, so I can’t be that mad at her. I bought a third pacifier, which now lives in the crib when it’s not being used.

I am fairly new to being a parent, but so far it is extremely rewarding. “Every day is like Christmas,” my husband said, knowing we get to wake up and hang out with our little dude again. And while I was a bit nervous that this new love, this baby love, would be all-consuming and mind-erasing, love is not a zero-sum game. Your heart can grow and grow and grow, and save a place for what was there all along.